Question:
Last year, I met a Muslim boy
from Egypt in Germany. We were friends, but later he said he loved me. At that
time, we hardly knew much about each other and seeing so many differences
between us like countries, religion, cultures, traditions, languages and so on,
I told him that I liked him, but we both needed time to know each other well to
take any further decision. He didn’t like my response and took it as a
rejection.
After coming back to India, we
continuously chatted to each other through Facebook and Skype. Within a month,
I realized that I too loved him. But he had fallen for some other girl who
rejected him and insulted him in front of everybody. He couldn’t bear this
insult and was really shattered emotionally, so much so that he started
disbelieving in love. We continued to talk online, and I gave my best to
support him emotionally. Later, I expressed my love for him, and he also said
he loved me. However, after some time, he confessed that he still didn’t
believe in love and that he accepted my proposal just because I had confessed
my feelings for him.
Nevertheless, we continued
talking to each other, and gradually he started expressing his sexual desires
for me and wanted me to go to Germany where we could marry. I too wished to
marry him but had all concerns about our families; therefore, I wanted some
time in order to talk to my parents about this. However, he didn’t have much
time as his family in Egypt was already thinking about his marriage with a
religious girl. Although he himself is a true Muslim, he didn’t want to marry
that girl and rejected the offer several times. He even had a fight with his
parents. But his parents forcefully fixed his marriage with this girl. He
wanted to marry me, but my religion was his biggest concern.
Earlier, I was not in favor of
changing my religion, but after realizing that it matters so much to him, I
agreed to practice Islam. Suddenly, last month, he stopped talking to me and
after my continuous messages and calls for a week, he just replied by
apologizing to me saying that we cannot go any further, and I should forget
him. When we talked after a month, I came to know that he is getting married
soon.
The situation now is that I
truly love him and can do anything for him. I even know that he too loves me
and want to marry me, but religion, family, society etc. are his concerns. He
says it would be a sin in the sight of Allah if he would marry me. I really
don’t understand what should I do and how can I convince him. Please help me
and guide me what is right and what is wrong, and what I should do.
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum Sister,
Thank you for sending us your
question. It is apparent that you are heartbroken about your recent break-up
with this Muslim man.
Ending a relationship is always
a difficult and stressful experience, especially if you allowed yourself to be
emotionally dependent on your previous partner. Stay hopeful and patient, for
hopefully, this delicate and overwhelming time will pass.
It is apparent from your
written question that you have been infatuated with your previous partner. He
also appeared to be infatuated with you.
I say infatuated and not love
because the both of you are more obsessed with the idea of being in love
without really exercising love.
In reality, love is a verb, not
a noun. No one can “fall in love.” Rather, one must work hard to reach true love.
Love requires sacrifice, communication, compromise, trust that grows stronger
over time.
It appears that the both of you
enjoyed spending time with each other and felt that the other person empathizes
with you and has good intentions towards you.
In reality, you can have these
feelings with anyone else. However, the both of you don’t really have a history
of overcoming obstacles, sacrificing for each other, and building a trusting
bond as a foundation of your relationship.
Instead what happened was that
the both of you started a relationship that wasn’t serious in the first place
since it was off and on and hanging by a thread.
It seems your relationship only
continued because of convenience and because the other person was available. It
ended because things were no longer convenient for him since the time came for
him to get married to “a religious girl.” As a result, he ended things abruptly
with you which left you heart-broken.
Please allow yourself to heal
from this ordeal. It takes time for you to overcome the profound feelings that
you are experiencing now so be patient with yourself.
Take care of yourself by
spending time with positive people, engaging in positive activities, and doing
things you enjoy doing. As you regain your strength and self-confidence again,
review your previous relationship with yourself and learn from the experience.
Know yourself. Know what you
want in a significant other. For next time, allow yourself to pick and choose
the type of a man you want to be with.
Best wishes,
Taken From :AboutIslam
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