How Did I “End up” a Muslim?
That’s the question I often get asked, but, in my opinion,
it’s more of a how did I get so lucky to see the mercy, love and peace in
Islam, especially in a world where Muslims are often untolerated and
misunderstood.
As I sit here listening to the Quran, I try to think back to
the moment I became Muslim but it wasn’t a moment, a split decision, nor a
quick change…
It was over a period of two years from first resisting any
religion, to trying to convince my Muslim partner that Islam is man-made, like
all other religions, to discovering the truth about Islam.
Oftentimes, my heart would beat faster, the hair on my arms
would stand up straight and my jaw would literally fall open with shock at all
the things I learned.
However, back to the beginning, I now know that there is a
thing called ‘Qadar Allah’ – i.e. preordained destiny. Your life is already
perfectly planned and mapped out, but I didn’t always have that conviction… I
believed that everything happens for a reason, sure, but oftentimes
contradicting myself by asking, “Why?!” “Why did this have to happen to me?”
etc.
My Muslim Partner
At the tender age of 20, I decided to travel. First stop,
Egypt. I got a job and met some friends and stayed in a lovely resort for
months and months. With minus a million intention (i.e no intention) of meeting
a man, I was as surprised when I found myself in a relationship with a Muslim.
Time passed, we got more serious, we moved in together and
we began to share life. Then one day, he changed. He started to pray all the
time (now I know he was praying Sunnah along with Fard), he began to fast even
though it wasn’t Ramadan, he liked watching Sheikhs and he would show me a few.
I was convinced that Islam was a misogynistic religion and
that scared me…
What if my partner becomes a bully? Or derogatory? Or worse,
a woman beater? I had to do something… I had to stop him from practicing Islam.
I began to watch some programs on Islam, I’d watch a variety
of shows from different Sheikhs and learned a great deal about Islam from
authentic sources…
Also, I read a lot of books and booklets and eventually
bought my own Quran. I distinctly remember the first chapter I skipped to was
Surah an-Nisa (The Women) however I didn’t understand very much. But I read
anyway… I continued reading and some time later, Ramadan came. I was already in
a relationship with my now Muslim husband, so we spent it together with his
family.
During the day, we would sit quietly reading Quran, all of
us with our own and in different levels of Iman. There was no pressure from
them on me to do anything, but I felt encouraged knowing that I am doing
something new, something I have never thought about before…
So I fasted for the first time… I managed five days which
were magical days that I will never forget…
The Search Continues…
The search on Islam continued… my heart was softening… I no
longer repelled the religion, however I didn’t think I would ever become Muslim
myself but I could tolerate my partner practicing it.
We spoke of marriage and I asked him to marry me as a
Christian. He agreed but he would never stop talking to me about Islam, about
the Prophet Muhammad, and about Allah’s final religion… we had so many
interesting and brilliant talks.
Oftentimes, we would go for a walk in the evenings after
work and all we could talk about was life, God, religion, afterlife and for
once, I felt like I was finally understanding all the confusing life questions
that no one has ever been able to answer before.
Time passed and till now I am amazed and in awe at religion:
Do we need religion in the first place? Why does God punish people? How can one
religion, Islam, be the right one and be for all of mankind? Someone from
Australia is surely different to someone from India, can they both be Muslims?
Can Islam be for everyone? Is Islam for Arabs only?…
And until this very day, I have never thought of a question
and not found the answer. The answer is ‘Islam’.
I finally realized this religion is perfect and it makes me
feel good. It encourages me to make better decisions. And it has the power to
change my perception on everything. I understand my purpose and with that
brought a new found characteristic I hadn’t really felt before: Confidence.
Taking the Shahadah
For the first time, I made decisions based on Islam, based
on Allah’s guidance and the Prophet’s advice. Despite what society deems as
normal or acceptable or desirable, it didn’t matter. What mattered was becoming
a Muslimah. So I did it.
I traveled to Al Azhar Mosque, Cairo and I filled in a form,
signed my certificate and declared the Shahadah in the worst Arabic you have
ever heard, to two Sheikhs.
And I have since learned how to recite some Arabic much
better but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I found the courage to
commit whole-heartedly despite the fact that a few years before, I had no
desire to become ‘religious’, rather I thought about travel, money, make-up and
parties…
Subhan Allah how much you can change with a positive
influence and what better influence than Islam?
As I sit here and reflect, I realize that I now say things I
never imagined saying before. My whole perspective on life, people, friends,
and family changed. I became soft towards people yet strong in my heart. I
forgive but keep my integrity.
I became so honest I won’t even make a prank in case my Lord
became sad with me. I found good role model: the Prophet Muhammad, who cared
for everyone, who showed strength during struggles and relied on Allah for
everything.
So I became less afraid of people, more afraid of Allah. I
no longer chase the life and live by “YOLO” – and I began to realize this life
is a test– but I can win. I can leave this world better than I found it and no
deed is too small.
How beautiful is Islam. The only religion which calls people
to prayer. Five times a day, the Adhan is heard throughout the city, it says:
“Come to Prayer, Come to Success.”
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